I'm currently listening to Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo. I swear to God she is one of my most favoritest people on the face of the Earth. I have 'known' her since about 2012 and just think she is so damn cool and funny. This is actually the first book I've ever read by her. I don't even know if she has others but I get her emails and they are one of the very few that I actually open and watch her little interviews with the Greats. You know, the most awesome people who inspire us. Anyways, I'm only on the 3rd chapter but I received so many Gold Nuggets as she even calls them. And the one I wanted to write about today is how our beliefs shape our lives. She even quoted Henry Ford who said one of my most favorite quotes EVER, I had it on my board for a long time, "whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Ta da! It is so true and it just hits you like a pile of fresh laundry. Hahaha I don't know why I said that, but it's like realizing something so fresh and so brilliant that you now can look at everything you have ever told yourself and decide whether or not you want to continue to believe it. Things like: marriage, love, children, school, work, money, family, etc. What beliefs do you hold for some of the most important topics that shape your life?
Whatever it is you believe about those subjects, becomes your thoughts, which become your feelings, which shape your behavior and create your results, aka life.
How do our beliefs come to be? Well they probably started when you were very young and from listening and watching people around you. I can remember blips of my childhood and a lot of those memories have shaped my beliefs, or had for a long time. Those memories are usually very stressful ones or moments that really nailed a thought about life into your brain. No you can't blame your parents for everything. There were plenty of other people, television and even other kids that probably influenced your beliefs. Once you decided a belief to be true then you looked for affirmations or validation that that belief in fact was true. We tend to remember bad experiences more than the good unfortunately and that can also affect your belief system.
I'm not saying all beliefs you hold are wrong or bad or need revamped. But maybe there's a difference between a belief and a fact. For example, we can hold the belief that we don't believe in marriage because our parents got divorced and 50% of marriages end in divorce so you just know it isn't worth it. But what facts are you basing your belief off of? We tend to look for the facts that will prove our belief to be true more so than take a moment to look into a fact that can prove it to be wrong. Such as, 50% of marriages do in fact work out fine. Or the fact that Molly's parents are happily married.
Would you say that you hold a lot more positive beliefs about life compared to negative beliefs? Do you find yourself saying "easy for you to say" when someone is achieving or doing something instead of thinking, "I can do that"?
Answer this question, "if her/him/them can, then why not me?" Does your answer sound more like, "well because I don't....or I can't....or because I am not..."?
Think of all that you want to accomplish in this life. Now think of all the 'stories' you have told yourself about why you weren't able to achieve these dreams. How many stories held you back.
It's true. Your beliefs shape your reality. Whatever you believe, you're right. Your beliefs are the stories you continue to believe and they become your daily thoughts. Why you're poor. Why you can't find love. Why you can't be happy. Why you can't stay consistent with anything? Why you can't move? Get sober? Start eating healthier? Wake up earlier? From very large beliefs to very minute ones. They are all important enough to shape your life.
These beliefs produce thoughts, like, "well I can't work out because I don't have the time". So now you believe you lack time when in reality you just won't make the time. Funny how some things you have time for and others you don't, right?
Your thoughts then become how you feel. Negative beliefs can make you feel bad about life and yourself, stress you, and sometimes paralyze you, right? Your feelings then shape your behavior or actions and how you behave/act is what creates your life.
So make sure you take care of your mind by becoming aware of your thoughts.
"Changing your beliefs doesn't have to be hard. It just takes awareness, desire and practice," Marie Forleo.
Spending some time in meditation can actually help you become aware of the thoughts you have and that way you can 'see' what beliefs you hold. The next time you think you can't do something, stop yourself
and ask yourself "is this belief serving me?" You absolutely have the power to rewrite every story you have believed about life. And no it's never too late. As a recovered addict I had to rewire my brain. One of the hardest things a human being can do (my belief based on my own personal life experiences). It's a well known phenomenon called neuroplasticity. The brain's ability to continuously create new neural connections. It modifies and re-wires itself. To have to rewrite every belief I held about 'needing' and 'wanting' drugs. I didn't want or need them. My sick brain and body did.
"Addiction is a disease of neuroplasticity," Charles O'Brien, MD, PhD Neuroplasticity in Addictive Disorders
But I didn't want or want to need them anymore. It was a long difficult road. Not only did I have to challenge my brain into overcoming the disease that I needed the drugs physically, but I had to rewrite my beliefs about everything that had led me down that destructive path. My belief in myself and my abilities to be able to overcome. My belief in my worth. My belief in my future. But I did it and that is how I know that anybody can as long as the desire is there. Which honestly is hard to find when you are on drugs. Moments and blips of sobriety and clarity are God sends, to give you that one moment's thought of "do I want this? Is this living?".
If you're tired of living the way you are living because you feel miserable, incomplete, or like you are just totally lost, rewrite your story now. Start telling yourself new beliefs. Believe you are worthy of feeling good. Believe you are worth EVERYTHING. Believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Believe in yourself.
That is why setting realistic goals is so important to recovery (not from just addiction to substances but to your own thought process) and to rebuilding your life, one you can be happy and proud of. One in which you are thriving and not just surviving.
The more failures you endure + the more times you hit the floor face first and then get back up again + the more times you are told 'no' but yet you continue to push forward + the more you try and the more chances you take = the more belief you will have in yourself and your capabilities to achieve anything. Some people look at their failures as proof they aren't capable, when in reality they are just proof of what needs to change or what wasn't meant for them. So keep pushing, keep striving for the life you want. And re-work your beliefs so that they serve you and your purpose, wants, and desires.
XOXO
~Juliette Ries