I was very excited this year as I booked our first international all inclusive resort vacation for June to Jamaica. I found a great deal on vacationsexpress.com for a 6 night stay at the Grand Palladium Resort and Spa in St. Lucea, about 45 minutes from the Montego Bay Airport. This was our baby's first flight so we were kind of nervous about how she was going to act. As the only people on the flight with a baby we were allowed to board first. Our seats were selected for us and they were the very back, noticeably-less-leg-room-seats on the entire plane, kind of doesn't even matter because all seats on planes are too small for 6 ft me and 6 ft 3 Ken. Some perks of these seats were, complimentary alcoholic beverages and the person who was supposed to be stuck in our row didn't show so we had a seat for the baby (which she didn't end up using since she fell asleep in my arms right after take off). I am more and more afraid of flying the older I get. I don't know if it has to do with having children or what, but I cannot stand turbulence. Regardless, this flight was the smoothest I've ever been on. I liked being able to see land (Florida and Cuba) the entire way down. This is better than being in the pitch white clouds or just flying over the Atlantic to me. It also helped that the stewardess was informing me of when we were about to 'hit some weather' . It never really crossed my mind that the people working the plane were aware of when things were going to get rocky. Me, I'm just sitting there thinking 'oh my God what's happening why aren't they freaking out, they're still passing out drinks and we're going down!' The soft-spoken stewardess seemed calm about it and I just thought about how many times she must fly and it just made me calm (Also 2 rum and cokes might have helped).
We landed at the Montego Bay airport about 11:30 a.m.. The line to get through customs was long but moving fairly quickly. The baby was getting restless and wanted to run. We grabbed our luggage after making it through customs and headed outside. We were looking for our rental car office. They did not have one there like all the other major rental agencies. (Side note: I was afraid of writing this post too soon because I didn't want them to see the bad review I was about to give them. Details to follow.) A lady standing there in another car agency's uniform asked who we were looking for; we told her and she said she would call them for us which was nice of her. About 10 minutes later a man pulls up in a van with the Classique Car Rentals logo on the side. He is friendly and helps us with the bags. There is no infant seat so she sits on my lap for the duration of the ride to the rental lot which is about 15 minutes away. Another employee from the car rental place had jumped into the front passenger seat and hitched a ride with us. He wished us a great trip and literally got out at a stop sign in the middle of a crazy 3 way intersection. My first sign of just how blase Jamaicans can be.
The rental place was pretty typical: paperwork, payments, lots of explaining and talking. Then came time for the car choosing. The guy gets this look on his face like he's thinking about which one to give us and then tells the other guy to go grab the red Colt. I noticed a lot of cars in the lot but he said they weren't "ready". We do a walk around of the vehicle which I video record nonchalantly. I'm ready to roll at this point. We get our luggage in and I said we need an infant seat. The guy said "oh you do?" And we explain that we had paid for one when we made the reservation (but hey I'm also standing here with a baby in my arms! Do they not use infant seats?) So he runs to the back of the building and gets a baby seat and off we go. I notice that the GPS system is in Chinese and I cannot tell what country it is even showing on the screen. Ken says we have to get gas because they gave us the car on empty! But not to worry, the guy told him where to go. So much for this car being "ready". (This isn't the last you'll hear about this car rental place).
After driving through some hillsides and finally getting to a city center where there are local
people walking everywhere, I am hoping to see a gas station but I do not. It's been about 10 minutes and I'm getting concerned. At a stop light a guy on a bicycle pulls up and looks over at us. He says basically, 'hey I recognize you guys from the airport, you look lost, need directions?' We explained we needed gas and he said he would show us, just follow him. So we did and got to the gas station. The guy on the bike jumps off and tells Ken that they pump the gas for you and wants to be super helpful to us. They fill it up and then we're directed to go pay inside since we have no cash and "our friend" is saying just pull the car off to the side over there as he motions his hands in the direction of a pile of cars parked all insanely with motors running. This gas station is packed, as if it's the only one in town and there aren't any parking spaces; if there are they are not being used. Ken runs inside with his new-found-friend and I wait nervously with the baby in the car. At one point our car is suddenly blocking a cab so I have to jump in the drivers seat and parallel park it. Did I mention this was our first time with steering wheel on right and driving on left? It wasn't all that hard. Finally Ken emerges and he tells me that the cashier said to him 'Steven's a nice guy, everybody knows him' (I guess they could tell Ken was apprehensive about him being so helpful). Steven is the guy helping us on his bicycle. So I felt a little better knowing that.
So then Steven says he will help show us the rest of the way and he tells us to follow him. We are behind him when he turns into a parking lot and we're asking each other, what's this about, what's going on? I'm rapidly analyzing the situation and I see women and girls walking around and it's a church parking lot. We park and he tells us that the money conversion building is right across the street there. We didn't want to do that but I guess he assumed (or wanted our money) because Ken used a credit card at the gas station. We told him, no thanks we just want to get to the resort. Steven says, "okay no problem mon, I'll show you how to get to the highway" and proceeds to jump into the backseat! Instantly I'm shocked and so is Ken who says, 'umm I don't think that's such a good idea,' and Steven says 'okay right ya mammy should be with baby much better'. Okay not exactly what was meant maybe but sure. So we switch seats. I can understand about 90% of what Steven is saying and I don't know but maybe he did say something about getting in the car. I still don't know.
At this point, I'm thinking about 'how am I going to kill this guy if he tries anything stupid?' I'm watching him like a hawk. The only thing that I am happy about at this moment is that baby is asleep. So we're driving and Steven is very talkative. Talks about the Jamaican culture and how the woman is da boss! Damn straight! Anyways, ya he says in Jamaica 'you slow down, no hurry mon'. He says everyone is chill and friendly and helpful, okay okay I'm starting to buy it. We've driven about 5 minutes but it feels like 30 and I ask him how he's going to get back to his bike. He says no worries he'll catch a ride. At one point he also asks what kind of reefer we’re looking for and I think Ken was trying to not look dumb or something so he says, ‘oh, ya know, we don’t know,’ and I quickly interrupt saying, ‘uh no, we don’t smoke man, we have a baby!' Steven’s eyes were so bloodshot that it made my eyes hurt.We get to what looks like a major highway, nothing like a 5-lane-on-each-side-California-freeway but a highway. Steven explains that this is the one road we'll need to take straight there so just stay on it. I'm feeling nice so I pull out a five from my fanny pack and hand it to him and he reaches for it but says oh give me a twenty I gotta take a cab. I'm thinking whatever gets you the hell out of my car buddy, here's a ten and a five, see ya! I will come to realize that the only reason anyone wants to help is because they want your money and I will also realize that being given the only red car on the lot was no accident.
I'm all kinds of moments from a nervous breakdown and I haven't even been in the country a day. I'm feeling a lot better because it's just us driving now. I'm about to cry but I want to wait until the hotel at least because I have to keep my wits about me. The roads are surrounded by trees and we see glimpses of the ocean every so often. There are tons of potholes, I mean tons. The goats are a plenty too, just grazing all over the sides of the roads and in the fields. There are houses that look like they're under construction and huts where you can buy Red Stripe and other beers. Some random people standing on the sides of the roads waiting for rides. The other vehicles on the road are mainly tour buses for the resorts or the locals and these people are driving like we're on he Audubon. I'm wondering what Steven meant when he said in Jamaica we take it easy because these people are on a mission. These drivers were literally pulling out into the center of the road as head on traffic was coming at them, just to try and make it around the guy driving a tad slower in front of them.
We finally make it to the resort and it. is. gorgeous! Marble floors, pillars, high ceilings, grand staircase, tropical plants, a ridiculously over-sized pool with a kids water park and the ocean just beyond the pools.
Checking in was a breeze, other than the fact that the concept of a line doesn't exist and we were being cut in front of. I chose a 3rd floor room so that we could get an amazing view but the room was ready so she told us to get something to eat at the buffet and then come back and it should be ready. We were all starving at this point so I didn't mind. What better than a buffet at this point. Went back and she gives us the room key cards and 2 towel cards for the pool. She warns us that it's $20 a card to replace the towels so don't lose them!
We immediately proceeded to lose one within 2 days.
The room was awesome. There was no elevator which she also warned us about since we had the stroller and baby, but I love working out and don't mind a little on vacation. The first room is the sitting room with pull-out leather couch, a patio with a small view of the ocean if you're standing on your toes but still amazing. There's a mini fridge filled with 2 Red Stripes, 2 Bud Lights, 2 Cokes (the real deal, none of that corn syrup crap), 2 Sprites, 2 waters, and 2 orange Jamaican sodas I'd never seen before. They replenished the fridge for the duration of the trip so that was cool. The rest of our first day (I didn't cry, that came on Wednesday) we walked around the pools and the baby absolutely loved it. We looked at the ocean and some of the restaurants and just relaxed. The next day we pretty much did the same. Went to eat the buffet which turned out was one of the only places open for breakfast besides another buffet. The resort has 10 restaurants, different ethnic foods, low key and some that required a reservation and had a dress code. After a couple days of soaking up the resort, the food, and some alcohol, we decided we should do some exploring off the property like we had planned. Big mistake. A nightmare experience to come. Check back when I write the 2nd part of this story.
